Selective Stupidity

After spending time over Christmas break with my eleven year old daughter, her already-been-dumped-boyfriend, and a couple nieces, I’ve made an amazing discovery. There is a very disturbing trend being taken up by tweens everywhere. This movement starts with a process I like to refer to as “social dumbening” and results in the life-altering disability referred to as Selective Stupidity.
Anyone who has walked through a mall on a Saturday afternoon has seen and heard the effects of this puberty induced change. Symptoms vary greatly, but many are common and universal. “Social dumbening” is not as obvious to family members, as it only takes place when tween is around peers. Here, signs of Selective Stupidity show, yet they haven’t taken hold enough to show all the time.
The most obvious sign that Selective Stupidity has set in can be found by merely listening to the vocabulary choices of the adolescent. For Example, the word “sweet” is used to describe everything from a piece of candy to an impressive car. It is also proclaimed in response to a high video game score or getting extra change at a register. Ailing adolescents often refer to everyone as “dude.” The repetitive use of the word “like” is also indicative (think “Valley-girl-speak”).
Let’s give an example- The very first time I met my daughter J’s (not anymore) boyfriend was at 6:40 am on a Tuesday morning. The weather was terrible and school had been canceled. He left the bus stop to come knock on my door and when I opened it, he mumbled “Dude, Is J coming to school today or what?” After recovering from the shock of being called Dude by a thirteen year old boy I had never seen before, I pointed out to poor dumb boy that 1. Calls had gone out almost an hour ago declaring it a snow day and J had long since gone back to bed and 2. Even if there had been school, he would have missed the bus as a result of walking down to my house to check on someone who obviously wasn’t coming. (Thankfully that relationship lasted less than a week!)
The most annoying trait of Selective Stupidity, I am unfortunate enough to be tortured with on a daily basis for my dear eleven year old daughter. It is the most basic and truest form of stupidity- that of knowing NOTHING! This describes those situations where she CHOOSES to PRETEND to be totally clueless about whatever the issue at hand is. This can be shown in her “forgetting” that she was supposed to put the milk back in the refrigerator after pouring her cereal 5 out of 6 times. Or when I go upstairs two hours after she was sent to bed to find her in bed reading (hiding it with a book light) and when I ask her why she isn’t asleep when she has to get up in six hours she says, I didn’t know I was supposed to be asleep. Let’s even go as far as to point out her standing three feet from a clock and asking what time it is, or staring at the calendar and asking what day it is.
See? Disturbing, right? Yeah. Want to know what is more disturbing? NOT EVERYONE OUTGROWS IT! Yes, you read that right. Think about it, you know at least one person who is a total dumbass still stuck in that permanent state of adolescent stupidity, right?

P.S. See!!!I found proof!!!! Teenagers 'only use 800 different words a day'


LiLu said...

I used to do that to my mother.

Now my boyfriend does it to me...