The "I don't..." List

I’m very much copying LiLu, but it seemed like fun, and I have nothing better to do than sit around and talk about myself.

I don’t... blog often enough. But then again, since all of one or two people may read this, you probably knew that already.

I don’t… bite my tongue. Sometimes it gets me in trouble, and it often pisses people off, but I was born without the censor in my brain that says “Shut up!”

I don’t…. like to be touched on the face. The Hubby, the dogs, the kids, whatever- stay the hell away from my face. And if you pinch my nose you just might lose your hand.

I don’t…. like poetry. Mind you, I am half way through grad school for a degree in Literature, so this is huge. Since I’ve spent the better part of the last 7 years studying it, I can analyze it six ways from Sunday, but yeah, I don’t like it.

I don’t… like to try new things. New foods, places, rides- not for me. I am all kinds of bland, boring, vanilla. This is because I am a crazy picky eater and don’t like much, not a thrill seeker, and just generally not a fan of making an ass of myself- and since there is very little I’m actually good at, I’d probably just make an ass of myself. Oh yeah, and I’m a big wuss.

I don’t… handle emotions well. And I’m a very emotional person. I just cry if I’m happy, angry, confused, stressed, whatever. I just cry.

I don’t…  prioritize well.  I find this all kinds of funny. You know, since I’m a mom, wife, daycare provider, full time grad student, planning my parent’s wedding, going through some medical stuff…  I procrastinate. A lot. If I just downloaded a new movie, but I have a paper to write, I will go do the dishes just to give myself time to try to convince myself I should watch the movie and write the paper later. Thankfully the stress and anxiety usually force me to do things in the right order.

Yeah, I know. I need a therapist.

My fav blogs this week

My favorite blogs:
Toy With Me (particularly Crissy's We Vibe II review)
Crissy's page
The Blogess
Lilu's Live it, Love It
Mommy Wants Vodka

and a shout out to fellow FT chick, Chelsea at What a mess I've got here and her twins.

Wait, who are you again?

If it already wasn't clear before that I'm not a blogger, it is now. I've lost myself in a pit of academic hell for the moment. Classes, and an antiquated, schmucky, royalpainintheass, medieval lit professor have taken have taken over and now monopolize 99% of my free time. I only have to do two more annotated bibliographies and two big end of term papers, then I'm free for the summer.
On the bright side, I have a new kid at daycare. She's 9 weeks old and the easiest baby I have ever seen. Finding new ways to make her laugh is a fabulous way to spend my day and I enjoy it immensely.
I've also got frequent dr. appts recently, but I can't get into the details about that here right now. Maybe a topic for later. Nothing to worry about though, I assure you.
Anyway, I figured I'd jump on and dole out some excuses why I don't post. Ever. I only have a couple weeks of classes, and I promise I'll try to come back and post here more. Like, once a month or something. LOL

Yup, screwed it up already. But I was watching basketball, and going to court, and getting my drink on, and getting inked! Oh, and then there's Beowulf.

It was what, three weeks ago that I vowed to blog weekly? But I didn't last week. Shit. At least this time I have stuff to blog about. For starters, last Tuesday Hubby and I took the girls to the Syracuse game. At the time they were the #1 team in the country. It was alright, but I still would rather have been at a football game.

Then, last Wednesday was adoption day! It has been a long time coming for Hubby to adopt J (older daughter). He has been her Daddy for over 10 years, and now it is legal. I've been in front of that judge more times than I can count, but this time he was wearing regular clothes and laughing and talking about reading Dr. Seuss books to his granddaughter's class at school. He even had J and M both sign the adoption papers, and he gave J and teddy bear. She is thrilled to have the same last name as the rest of the family and even had to take a copy of the certificate to school.

THEN, as if the week hadn't been eventful enough, Hubby and I had a child free night Friday. J was invited to spend the night with her best friend and go see a band at the local VFW. M was invited to go have a sleepover at her "boyfriend's" house. (Mind you, they have been BF/GF since the second week of kindergarten and are now half way through second grade). Sooo, big one was at a bar and younger was sleeping at boyfriend's. Yup, I'm mother of the freaking year!! Hubby and I went out for dinner at Chili's. The El Nino margarita is tasty.



AND THEN...I got my first tattoo Saturday night. I went to see Scott @ Stiehl's Body Modification in Ithaca. It wasn't terrible, but it obviously didn't feel good. It took just under two hours.

The outline was tolerable and I felt more vibration than anything else. Except at the very bottom of the book closer to the bone. And the back near the Achilles tendon. Those required a couple deep breaths. Hubby did a good job talking to me and keeping me distracted.

The color was a little less fun. Bigger needles and all, so it required a bit more of a distraction. Besides hubby, I also brought Nicky (his sis, my bf of 15 yrs!!). She got an impromptu nose piercing, then came upstairs to watch me suffer   hold me down keep me entertained while I had to sit still.

The color on the book was the worst part, since it was already a sensitive spot the first time through. Going over it repeatedly layering colors and using the fat color needle almost cost Scott an arm   was hell  was not fun. I think I may have made some faces, and some Lamaze breathing was necessary for a minute or two. I think the only thing that saved Scott got me through at the end was that I was so focused on the fact that I was STARVING!! and I knew the sooner it was over with, the sooner I could go eat.

This is the completed tat. His name is Webster. And no, he is not sitting on a dictionary.

Yes, I have officially solidified my place in the world of nerds, by permanently branding a bookworm to my outside right ankle. On the brighter side, I was told my skin likes ink, which is no surprise for anyone who has ever seen my father. Apparently I used all my pain tolerance getting him put on because he is driving me crazy now. I need him to hurry up and heal so he will stop irritating me. I love my worm, and Scott did an amazing job, but I will not be in a big rush to get more ink.

So, as you can see, I didn't blog last week because I was so very busy!!!!! I made up for it, right? If not, I always have the excuse that I was too busy reading Beowulf and writing essays for class....

I survived last week, and my new party trick

My kids were home from school all week last week, and we all made it through it without any major injuries or trauma! I only had 1 FT daycare kid, so that probably helped.

Hmmm, what to blog about.  Potential thesis topics? Maybe later.  Daycare kids stealing my homework time? Eh, can’t complain as long as I get paid, and sometimes they get me laughing so hard it’s worth it.  A HA! I know, My Furbabies!

Alright, let me introduce you to my furbabies.  Boeheim (AKA Bay) is a four year old Beagle/Terrier, and is my only son. He is named after the coach of my husband’s favorite college basketball team, Jim Boeheim of the Syracuse Orange.   We also have a hamster, J Flynn, named after a former player but he’s an asshole.

Blayre  (AKA Moose) is a three year old somethingorother. When we adopted her we were told she was a St. Bernard mix, but I don’t’ believe it.  She looks Shepherd to me, and her sister looks Golden Retriever (sister Jilly lives with my parents).

Anyways, my dogs are my third and fourth children, and as such they are just as spoiled as my two legged children. They are also just as entertaining.

My parents are celebrating their 30^th anniversary this year and they are doing a second wedding. Somehow, probably out of guilt for being a shitty teenager, I ended up volunteering to hand make a crapload of leather roses (because to buy them already made it’s over $10 each). Yeah, I know, I rock. I’ll brag about flowers at a later date. Anyway, two nights ago, I was sitting in my chair assembling roses from pieces I had cut out last week. When putting them together, I need to spray them lightly with a water bottle.  They hold their shape better when they dry. Every time I'd have a handful of wet leather rose petals, Blayre would run up and start barking at me. Every time. If I did it dry, she was fine, but the flower didn't look as good. She never paid any attention to the times I've pulled stuff out and sat here cutting the petals out. Now, apparently I can only assemble flowers when she's not around. I think it's something to do with the smell of the wet leather. She tries to eat the flowers, and when I push her away, she licks all over my hands. It's very strange, but freaking hysterical nonetheless. Now I need to keep tabs on the dog to make sure she doesn't mistake these expensive and tie consuming flowers for her dinner!

I wonder if I can turn her freak out  into a party trick…

I was broke. Then I was rich. Now I'm broke.

We are usually pretty poor and in debt, but then...Yup, you guessed it. We got our tax return! It always feels a little bit like Christmas when I check the account and see $$$CHA-CHING$$$
Of course, before I even told Hubby the money was in the bank I had already dropped a quick grand on bills. I figured I'd better pay some stuff while it was still there, because tax money never lasts long.
Last year Hubby declared that with tax money he wanted a boat and a shotgun. Neither of these happened since we spent $2500 to put a lawyer on retainer so that we could sue J's sperm donor for parental rights and Hubby could finally!! adopt her. (More on that another time)
Anyway, hubby insisted that this was the year for a boat. We had very different thoughts on what was acceptable but we found middle ground and hit Craigslist daily for a couple weeks. This past weekend he finally bought one. Yeah, him. I refuse to claim any kind of ownership or responsibility for it. I'm sure in a few months there will be a blog of me resenting him spending entire weekends on the lake while I'm stranded home with the kids.
Well of course, since there is now a boat, boating accessories are a must. This means a family outing to Bass Pro Shops to get life jackets for all four of us, bumper thingys so the dock doesn't take a chunk out of the floating mancave, and some other supposedly-necessary-crap.
To say the least, happily not-poor, after a couple bills and floating mancave crap, is now all gone. Luckily I packed enough aside that I can finally get my tattoo. More on that later too.
Here's his new summer-home...

 

Although, I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm looking forward to tubing. Not the sunburn though. I think he needs a bimini top for Father's Day.

I'll be back.

I recently watched Julie and Julia. It was ok I suppose, but it made me feel lazy. I am one of those people who rarely finish anything. I’ve been in college for almost a third of my life and I will never be done. Partially because I like it and partially because the more degrees I have the more I feel like I’m smarter than other people. ;-) Anyway, when I think about my hobbies, I have a crapload of scrapbook stuff and pictures waiting to be compiled into some beautiful, heartfelt memento for my kids. I have about 5 half knitted scarves that I cram away when spring comes and forget about. I have never managed to get my entire house clean in one day. I don’t’ know if it’s ADD or too much on my plate, or maybe I’m just lazy, but I always feel like I have eight hundred things I could be doing.

For example, right now I am taking two graduate classes which involve an obscene amount of reading, analyzing, and writing. Obviously I get that stuff done, because student loans will dominate my financial future so I may as well get my money’s worth. A s a result, I don’t have time to read anything I WANT read,  play video games, nap, or clean as much as I should in a house full of kids and dogs.

I’ve decided I want to set a small and attainable goal- Posting on this stupid blog at least once a week. This way, I can feel like I am capable of accomplishing something that isn’t school related. Wish me luck.

Sometimes it really sucks being a woman- Artists rendition

 

Click to enlarge

Selective Stupidity

After spending time over Christmas break with my eleven year old daughter, her already-been-dumped-boyfriend, and a couple nieces, I’ve made an amazing discovery. There is a very disturbing trend being taken up by tweens everywhere. This movement starts with a process I like to refer to as “social dumbening” and results in the life-altering disability referred to as Selective Stupidity.

Anyone who has walked through a mall on a Saturday afternoon has seen and heard the effects of this puberty induced change. Symptoms vary greatly, but many are common and universal. “Social dumbening” is not as obvious to family members, as it only takes place when tween is around peers. Here, signs of Selective Stupidity show, yet they haven’t taken hold enough to show all the time.

The most obvious sign that Selective Stupidity has set in can be found by merely listening to the vocabulary choices of the adolescent. For Example, the word “sweet” is used to describe everything from a piece of candy to an impressive car. It is also proclaimed in response to a high video game score or getting extra change at a register. Ailing adolescents often refer to everyone as “dude.” The repetitive use of the word “like” is also indicative (think “Valley-girl-speak”).

Let’s give an example- The very first time I met my daughter J’s (not anymore) boyfriend was at 6:40 am on a Tuesday morning. The weather was terrible and school had been canceled. He left the bus stop to come knock on my door and when I opened it, he mumbled “Dude, Is J coming to school today or what?” After recovering from the shock of being called Dude by a thirteen year old boy I had never seen before, I pointed out to poor dumb boy that 1. Calls had gone out almost an hour ago declaring it a snow day and J had long since gone back to bed and 2. Even if there had been school, he would have missed the bus as a result of walking down to my house to check on someone who obviously wasn’t coming. (Thankfully that relationship lasted less than a week!)

The most annoying trait of Selective Stupidity, I am unfortunate enough to be tortured with on a daily basis for my dear eleven year old daughter. It is the most basic and truest form of stupidity- that of knowing NOTHING! This describes those situations where she CHOOSES to PRETEND to be totally clueless about whatever the issue at hand is. This can be shown in her “forgetting” that she was supposed to put the milk back in the refrigerator after pouring her cereal 5 out of 6 times. Or when I go upstairs two hours after she was sent to bed to find her in bed reading (hiding it with a book light) and when I ask her why she isn’t asleep when she has to get up in six hours she says, I didn’t know I was supposed to be asleep. Let’s even go as far as to point out her standing three feet from a clock and asking what time it is, or staring at the calendar and asking what day it is.

See? Disturbing, right? Yeah. Want to know what is more disturbing? NOT EVERYONE OUTGROWS IT! Yes, you read that right. Think about it, you know at least one person who is a total dumbass still stuck in that permanent state of adolescent stupidity, right?

P.S. See!!!I found proof!!!! Teenagers 'only use 800 different words a day'

Our Clothes Are Minty Fresh

This morning I started the dryer to fluff clothes I put in yesterday. After a few minutes I opened the dryer and started to fold clothes. The first shirt I grabbed i noticed a purple smear on the shoulder. Then I realized half the clothes in the dryer sported the same purple smear!!!! SHIT! Someone left a crayon in their pocket and I missed it when I checked pockets.... a whole load of whites covered in melted purple crayon. Ugh....
I pulled the clothes out and set aside the stuff with smears. My poor, 1 yr old dryer looked like this.


Oh my goodness! The world is coming to an end! J's favorite pink sweater has purple smears all over it! She was very upset when I sent her off to school this morning, and I promised to do everything I could to salvage her favorite accessory.

After the girls are gone another thought occurs to me.....Damn!!! Everything I put in the dryer is now going to come out purple!!! Damn Damn Damn!
I ran for a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser because they seem to fix everything.

After 10 minutes of scrubbing I noticed no discernible difference. This stuff was not coming off. So being the nerd that I am, I turn to my friend the internet, more specifically Google, and begin the search. It appears that this has happened to quite a few people, and my search found quite a few helpful tips.

One specific search lead me to the Crayola "helpful information" website (i.e. how to get our product off and/or out of your stuff) which yielded a lot of information on how to remove stains left by their products in many different situations. Good place to start? No, not really. I found it quite disturbing that they listed WD-40 as a possible solution to our problem. Yeah, I'm going to spray a flammable liquid into my dryer in the hope I get it cleaned up enough so as to not to start a fire when the next load of clothes are dried. Great idea, crayola.

Dissatisfied with what I had found so far, I happened upon one idea that seemed a little far fetched, but in the end proved to be the winner. It involved toothpaste. Lots of toothpaste.

Here's what I did to remove the dried crayon from our dryer.

• 1. Heat empty clothes dryer by running it on the hottest setting for about 5-10 minutes.


• 2. Stop the dryer and slather toothpaste over the crayon afflicted areas. Make sure every area that has crayon is well covered. The more the better.


• 3. Close the dryer and start it. Again, let it run on it's highest setting.
  
  
• 4. Start removing the crayon from the walls of the dryer by breaking out a chisel, a jar of elbow grease, and a wet wash cloth. After vigorously scrubbing for a good 15min, you should notice that the waxy crayon residue will begin to dissipate.


• 5. Repeat steps 2 though 4 until crayon residue is gone.

In my opinion, the Extra Whitening did a fantastic job. Though I highly doubt the whitening part of the toothpaste had much impact on the overall performance. I would like to think it did, after all, my dryer IS white.

So, there you have it. Clean as a whistle. No more purple waxy crayon residue. The whole process only cost us a tube of toothpaste and a few years off my life from inhaling super-heated toothpaste fumes for two hours.

The fate of the clothes is still to be determined...
They soaked in hot-as-it-gets water with 2 full capfulls of Concentrated Era Ultra Stainfighting Formula detergent, half a cup of Oxyclean, and 3 Shout Color Catcher sheets....

Introduction

Since my blog is wholly based on the fact that I am a mother, I thought it only fair to introduce myself and my family first.

Here are my beautiful daughters.

M (left) is seven years old and in second grade. She is a micro version of her father in looks and attitude. She is good at math, loves the outdoors, and wakes up annoyingly perky.

J (right) is eleven years old and in sixth grade. She favors her mother in appearance and passion for reading. She is very creative, good at art and hands on activities.

Here is my husband G and I at a recent family wedding. We have been together for almost eleven years, and married for seven.

My husband just graduated with a BA in Accounting and is currently researching grad schools. He works full time for the National Park Service.

I have a Bachelors in English Literature with a minor in Secondary Education. I am about to start my third semester of grad school.