Considerations of Mommyhood

Someone throw me a lifevest!!!!

2011-06-02T10:27:00.002-04:00

Last year I turned 30. While some people seem traumatized over turning 30, I didn’t have a problem with it and embraced it with open arms. I can’t say the same this year. Tomorrow I turn 31. It is depressing the crap out of me and I want to just skip the entire day altogether.

There are a few different reasons for my new attitude. First, I am not where I wanted to be by the time I turned 31. As a result, I’m throwing myself a great big pity party.

The differences between last year and this year:

Last year -After dealing with infertility for almost 6 years, I was starting injection treatments in hopes of finally conceiving. This year- Not only do I not have a newborn, but Hubby is no longer “on the baby train.” This means no more treatments, so no more synthetic hormones making me feel sane and human.

Last year- I was up to my eyeballs in Graduate school and loving every moment of it. I was studying something I love and am passionate about, while humoring fantasies of graduation and being an instructor of some kind to share my knowledge and passion with others. This year- I graduated, with Distinction, and while I am proud of the accomplishment, I am feeling rather lost and confused now. There are no deadlines, no homework, no research, no enriching discussions over various texts or criticisms… and no fulfilling job, even though I’ve applied EVERWHERE… see next on the list.

Last year- While in school I was doing daycare and I loved it. It allowed me the time to focus on school, keep up with demands of household tasks, yet still have an income to contribute to the finances. Plus, if I’m being honest, it filled the part of me in mourning over not having a baby of my own. This year- I’ve applied for every online English adjunct position on the internet. I’ve submitted to both nearby community college adjunct pools. I’ve applied for various administrative positions I’ve come across, even though it doesn’t have a damn thing to do with what I want to do, but it’s a paycheck.

I’m lost right now. The same week, I graduated from school and lost my daycare baby. The two things that gave me a distraction- something to entertain my brain- are now gone. While I used to be able to shift between the Mom/Wife/Homekeeper part of me and the Student me and the Daycare me….. Now I’m left with just the Mom/Wife/Homekeeper me and there are gaping holes where the rest of me was. I’ve deflated. The emotional bond I had with Baby K is jagged and raw with her gone, reopening wounds left by infertility. The part of me that I threw into school is now desperate for a teaching job where I can interact with people over literature and theory. The Wife part of me is freaking-the-f@#$ out over the hit to our finances by me losing my income, anxious over bills and house payments, and making myself physically ill as a result. The Mom part of me has totally shut down because of recent issues with my not so darling daughters that have left me questioning my parenting and feeling like shit. The Homekeeper part of me is thrilled with the time to clean relentlessly without distraction, and at first I did, but the rest of me is so miserable I just don’t care at the moment.

I really hope that something changes soon, because I’m treading water here, and my legs are getting very tired.

The "I don't..." List

2010-06-04T09:28:00.001-04:00

I’m very much copying LiLu, but it seemed like fun, and I have nothing better to do than sit around and talk about myself.

I don’t... blog often enough. But then again, since all of one or two people may read this, you probably knew that already.

I don’t… bite my tongue. Sometimes it gets me in trouble, and it often pisses people off, but I was born without the censor in my brain that says “Shut up!”

I don’t…. like to be touched on the face. The Hubby, the dogs, the kids, whatever- stay the hell away from my face. And if you pinch my nose you just might lose your hand.

I don’t…. like poetry. Mind you, I am half way through grad school for a degree in Literature, so this is huge. Since I’ve spent the better part of the last 7 years studying it, I can analyze it six ways from Sunday, but yeah, I don’t like it.

I don’t… like to try new things. New foods, places, rides- not for me. I am all kinds of bland, boring, vanilla. This is because I am a crazy picky eater and don’t like much, not a thrill seeker, and just generally not a fan of making an ass of myself- and since there is very little I’m actually good at, I’d probably just make an ass of myself. Oh yeah, and I’m a big wuss.

I don’t… handle emotions well. And I’m a very emotional person. I just cry if I’m happy, angry, confused, stressed, whatever. I just cry.

I don’t… prioritize well. I find this all kinds of funny. You know, since I’m a mom, wife, daycare provider, full time grad student, planning my parent’s wedding, going through some medical stuff… I procrastinate. A lot. If I just downloaded a new movie, but I have a paper to write, I will go do the dishes just to give myself time to try to convince myself I should watch the movie and write the paper later. Thankfully the stress and anxiety usually force me to do things in the right order.

Yeah, I know. I need a therapist.

My fav blogs this week

2010-05-07T13:15:00.000-04:00

My favorite blogs:
Toy With Me (particularly Crissy's We Vibe II review)
Crissy's page
The Blogess
Lilu's Live it, Love It
Mommy Wants Vodka

and a shout out to fellow FT chick, Chelsea at What a mess I've got here and her twins.

Wait, who are you again?

2010-04-27T19:46:00.000-04:00

If it already wasn't clear before that I'm not a blogger, it is now. I've lost myself in a pit of academic hell for the moment. Classes, and an antiquated, schmucky, royalpainintheass, medieval lit professor have taken have taken over and now monopolize 99% of my free time. I only have to do two more annotated bibliographies and two big end of term papers, then I'm free for the summer.
On the bright side, I have a new kid at daycare. She's 9 weeks old and the easiest baby I have ever seen. Finding new ways to make her laugh is a fabulous way to spend my day and I enjoy it immensely.
I've also got frequent dr. appts recently, but I can't get into the details about that here right now. Maybe a topic for later. Nothing to worry about though, I assure you.
Anyway, I figured I'd jump on and dole out some excuses why I don't post. Ever. I only have a couple weeks of classes, and I promise I'll try to come back and post here more. Like, once a month or something. LOL

Yup, screwed it up already. But I was watching basketball, and going to court, and getting my drink on, and getting inked! Oh, and then there's Beowulf.

2010-03-08T10:37:00.001-05:00

It was what, three weeks ago that I vowed to blog weekly? But I didn't last week. Shit. At least this time I have stuff to blog about. For starters, last Tuesday Hubby and I took the girls to the Syracuse game. At the time they were the #1 team in the country. It was alright, but I still would rather have been at a football game.

Then, last Wednesday was adoption day! It has been a long time coming for Hubby to adopt J (older daughter). He has been her Daddy for over 10 years, and now it is legal. I've been in front of that judge more times than I can count, but this time he was wearing regular clothes and laughing and talking about reading Dr. Seuss books to his granddaughter's class at school. He even had J and M both sign the adoption papers, and he gave J and teddy bear. She is thrilled to have the same last name as the rest of the family and even had to take a copy of the certificate to school.

THEN, as if the week hadn't been eventful enough, Hubby and I had a child free night Friday. J was invited to spend the night with her best friend and go see a band at the local VFW. M was invited to go have a sleepover at her "boyfriend's" house. (Mind you, they have been BF/GF since the second week of kindergarten and are now half way through second grade). Sooo, big one was at a bar and younger was sleeping at boyfriend's. Yup, I'm mother of the freaking year!! Hubby and I went out for dinner at Chili's. The El Nino margarita is tasty.

AND THEN...I got my first tattoo Saturday night. I went to see Scott @ Stiehl's Body Modification in Ithaca. It wasn't terrible, but it obviously didn't feel good. It took just under two hours.

The outline was tolerable and I felt more vibration than anything else. Except at the very bottom of the book closer to the bone. And the back near the Achilles tendon. Those required a couple deep breaths. Hubby did a good job talking to me and keeping me distracted.

The color was a little less fun. Bigger needles and all, so it required a bit more of a distraction. Besides hubby, I also brought Nicky (his sis, my bf of 15 yrs!!). She got an impromptu nose piercing, then came upstairs to ~~watch me suffer~~ ~~hold me down~~ keep me entertained while I had to sit still.

The color on the book was the worst part, since it was already a sensitive spot the first time through. Going over it repeatedly layering colors and using the fat color needle ~~almost cost Scott an arm~~ ~~was hell~~ was not fun. I think I may have made some faces, and some Lamaze breathing was necessary for a minute or two. I think the only thing that ~~saved Scott~~ got me through at the end was that I was so focused on the fact that I was STARVING!! and I knew the sooner it was over with, the sooner I could go eat.

This is the completed tat. His name is Webster. And no, he is not sitting on a dictionary.

Yes, I have officially solidified my place in the world of nerds, by permanently branding a bookworm to my outside right ankle. On the brighter side, I was told my skin likes ink, which is no surprise for anyone who has ever seen my father. Apparently I used all my pain tolerance getting him put on because he is driving me crazy now. I need him to hurry up and heal so he will stop irritating me. I love my worm, and Scott did an amazing job, but I will not be in a big rush to get more ink.

So, as you can see, I didn't blog last week because I was so very busy!!!!! I made up for it, right? If not, I always have the excuse that I was too busy reading Beowulf and writing essays for class....

I survived last week, and my new party trick

2010-02-23T09:02:00.002-05:00

My kids were home from school all week last week, and we all made it through it without any major injuries or trauma! I only had 1 FT daycare kid, so that probably helped.

Hmmm, what to blog about. Potential thesis topics? Maybe later. Daycare kids stealing my homework time? Eh, can’t complain as long as I get paid, and sometimes they get me laughing so hard it’s worth it. A HA! I know, My Furbabies!

Alright, let me introduce you to my furbabies. Boeheim (AKA Bay) is a four year old Beagle/Terrier, and is my only son. He is named after the coach of my husband’s favorite college basketball team, Jim Boeheim of the Syracuse Orange. We also have a hamster, J Flynn, named after a former player but he’s an asshole.

Blayre (AKA Moose) is a three year old somethingorother. When we adopted her we were told she was a St. Bernard mix, but I don’t’ believe it. She looks Shepherd to me, and her sister looks Golden Retriever (sister Jilly lives with my parents).

Anyways, my dogs are my third and fourth children, and as such they are just as spoiled as my two legged children. They are also just as entertaining.

My parents are celebrating their 30^th anniversary this year and they are doing a second wedding. Somehow, probably out of guilt for being a shitty teenager, I ended up volunteering to hand make a crapload of leather roses (because to buy them already made it’s over $10 each). Yeah, I know, I rock. I’ll brag about flowers at a later date. Anyway, two nights ago, I was sitting in my chair assembling roses from pieces I had cut out last week. When putting them together, I need to spray them lightly with a water bottle. They hold their shape better when they dry. Every time I'd have a handful of wet leather rose petals, Blayre would run up and start barking at me. Every time. If I did it dry, she was fine, but the flower didn't look as good. She never paid any attention to the times I've pulled stuff out and sat here cutting the petals out. Now, apparently I can only assemble flowers when she's not around. I think it's something to do with the smell of the wet leather. She tries to eat the flowers, and when I push her away, she licks all over my hands. It's very strange, but freaking hysterical nonetheless. Now I need to keep tabs on the dog to make sure she doesn't mistake these expensive and tie consuming flowers for her dinner!

I wonder if I can turn her freak out into a party trick…

I was broke. Then I was rich. Now I'm broke.

2010-02-17T20:19:00.001-05:00

We are usually pretty poor and in debt, but then...Yup, you guessed it. We got our tax return! It always feels a little bit like Christmas when I check the account and see $$$CHA-CHING$$$
Of course, before I even told Hubby the money was in the bank I had already dropped a quick grand on bills. I figured I'd better pay some stuff while it was still there, because tax money never lasts long.
Last year Hubby declared that with tax money he wanted a boat and a shotgun. Neither of these happened since we spent $2500 to put a lawyer on retainer so that we could sue J's sperm donor for parental rights and Hubby could finally!! adopt her. (More on that another time)
Anyway, hubby insisted that this was the year for a boat. We had very different thoughts on what was acceptable but we found middle ground and hit Craigslist daily for a couple weeks. This past weekend he finally bought one. Yeah, him. I refuse to claim any kind of ownership or responsibility for it. I'm sure in a few months there will be a blog of me resenting him spending entire weekends on the lake while I'm stranded home with the kids.
Well of course, since there is now a boat, boating accessories are a must. This means a family outing to Bass Pro Shops to get life jackets for all four of us, bumper thingys so the dock doesn't take a chunk out of the floating mancave, and some other supposedly-necessary-crap.
To say the least, happily not-poor, after a couple bills and floating mancave crap, is now all gone. Luckily I packed enough aside that I can finally get my tattoo. More on that later too.
Here's his new summer-home...

Although, I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm looking forward to tubing. Not the sunburn though. I think he needs a bimini top for Father's Day.

I'll be back.

2010-02-11T13:19:00.002-05:00

I recently watched Julie and Julia. It was ok I suppose, but it made me feel lazy. I am one of those people who rarely finish anything. I’ve been in college for almost a third of my life and I will never be done. Partially because I like it and partially because the more degrees I have the more I feel like I’m smarter than other people. ;-) Anyway, when I think about my hobbies, I have a crapload of scrapbook stuff and pictures waiting to be compiled into some beautiful, heartfelt memento for my kids. I have about 5 half knitted scarves that I cram away when spring comes and forget about. I have never managed to get my entire house clean in one day. I don’t’ know if it’s ADD or too much on my plate, or maybe I’m just lazy, but I always feel like I have eight hundred things I could be doing.

For example, right now I am taking two graduate classes which involve an obscene amount of reading, analyzing, and writing. Obviously I get that stuff done, because student loans will dominate my financial future so I may as well get my money’s worth. A s a result, I don’t have time to read anything I WANT read, play video games, nap, or clean as much as I should in a house full of kids and dogs.

I’ve decided I want to set a small and attainable goal- Posting on this stupid blog at least once a week. This way, I can feel like I am capable of accomplishing something that isn’t school related. Wish me luck.

Sometimes it really sucks being a woman- Artists rendition

2010-02-09T10:54:00.003-05:00

Click to enlarge

Selective Stupidity

2010-01-12T13:10:00.005-05:00

After spending time over Christmas break with my eleven year old daughter, her already-been-dumped-boyfriend, and a couple nieces, I’ve made an amazing discovery. There is a very disturbing trend being taken up by tweens everywhere. This movement starts with a process I like to refer to as “social dumbening” and results in the life-altering disability referred to as Selective Stupidity.

Anyone who has walked through a mall on a Saturday afternoon has seen and heard the effects of this puberty induced change. Symptoms vary greatly, but many are common and universal. “Social dumbening” is not as obvious to family members, as it only takes place when tween is around peers. Here, signs of Selective Stupidity show, yet they haven’t taken hold enough to show all the time.

The most obvious sign that Selective Stupidity has set in can be found by merely listening to the vocabulary choices of the adolescent. For Example, the word “sweet” is used to describe everything from a piece of candy to an impressive car. It is also proclaimed in response to a high video game score or getting extra change at a register. Ailing adolescents often refer to everyone as “dude.” The repetitive use of the word “like” is also indicative (think “Valley-girl-speak”).

Let’s give an example- The very first time I met my daughter J’s (not anymore) boyfriend was at 6:40 am on a Tuesday morning. The weather was terrible and school had been canceled. He left the bus stop to come knock on my door and when I opened it, he mumbled “Dude, Is J coming to school today or what?” After recovering from the shock of being called Dude by a thirteen year old boy I had never seen before, I pointed out to poor dumb boy that 1. Calls had gone out almost an hour ago declaring it a snow day and J had long since gone back to bed and 2. Even if there had been school, he would have missed the bus as a result of walking down to my house to check on someone who obviously wasn’t coming. (Thankfully that relationship lasted less than a week!)

The most annoying trait of Selective Stupidity, I am unfortunate enough to be tortured with on a daily basis for my dear eleven year old daughter. It is the most basic and truest form of stupidity- that of knowing NOTHING! This describes those situations where she CHOOSES to PRETEND to be totally clueless about whatever the issue at hand is. This can be shown in her “forgetting” that she was supposed to put the milk back in the refrigerator after pouring her cereal 5 out of 6 times. Or when I go upstairs two hours after she was sent to bed to find her in bed reading (hiding it with a book light) and when I ask her why she isn’t asleep when she has to get up in six hours she says, I didn’t know I was supposed to be asleep. Let’s even go as far as to point out her standing three feet from a clock and asking what time it is, or staring at the calendar and asking what day it is.

See? Disturbing, right? Yeah. Want to know what is more disturbing? NOT EVERYONE OUTGROWS IT! Yes, you read that right. Think about it, you know at least one person who is ~~a total dumbass~~ still stuck in that permanent state of adolescent stupidity, right?

P.S. See!!!I found proof!!!! Teenagers 'only use 800 different words a day'

Our Clothes Are Minty Fresh

2010-01-10T12:01:00.000-05:00

This morning I started the dryer to fluff clothes I put in yesterday. After a few minutes I opened the dryer and started to fold clothes. The first shirt I grabbed i noticed a purple smear on the shoulder. Then I realized half the clothes in the dryer sported the same purple smear!!!! SHIT! Someone left a crayon in their pocket and I missed it when I checked pockets.... a whole load of whites covered in melted purple crayon. Ugh....
I pulled the clothes out and set aside the stuff with smears. My poor, 1 yr old dryer looked like this.

Oh my goodness! The world is coming to an end! J's favorite pink sweater has purple smears all over it! She was very upset when I sent her off to school this morning, and I promised to do everything I could to salvage her favorite accessory.

After the girls are gone another thought occurs to me.....Damn!!! Everything I put in the dryer is now going to come out purple!!! Damn Damn Damn!
I ran for a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser because they seem to fix everything.

After 10 minutes of scrubbing I noticed no discernible difference. This stuff was not coming off. So being the nerd that I am, I turn to my friend the internet, more specifically Google, and begin the search. It appears that this has happened to quite a few people, and my search found quite a few helpful tips.

One specific search lead me to the Crayola "helpful information" website (i.e. how to get our product off and/or out of your stuff) which yielded a lot of information on how to remove stains left by their products in many different situations. Good place to start? No, not really. I found it quite disturbing that they listed WD-40 as a possible solution to our problem. Yeah, I'm going to spray a flammable liquid into my dryer in the hope I get it cleaned up enough so as to not to start a fire when the next load of clothes are dried. Great idea, crayola.

Dissatisfied with what I had found so far, I happened upon one idea that seemed a little far fetched, but in the end proved to be the winner. It involved toothpaste. Lots of toothpaste.

Here's what I did to remove the dried crayon from our dryer.

1. Heat empty clothes dryer by running it on the hottest setting for about 5-10 minutes.

2. Stop the dryer and slather toothpaste over the crayon afflicted areas. Make sure every area that has crayon is well covered. The more the better.

3. Close the dryer and start it. Again, let it run on it's highest setting.
4. Start removing the crayon from the walls of the dryer by breaking out a chisel, a jar of elbow grease, and a wet wash cloth. After vigorously scrubbing for a good 15min, you should notice that the waxy crayon residue will begin to dissipate.

5. Repeat steps 2 though 4 until crayon residue is gone.

In my opinion, the Extra Whitening did a fantastic job. Though I highly doubt the whitening part of the toothpaste had much impact on the overall performance. I would like to think it did, after all, my dryer IS white.

So, there you have it. Clean as a whistle. No more purple waxy crayon residue. The whole process only cost us a tube of toothpaste and a few years off my life from inhaling super-heated toothpaste fumes for two hours.

The fate of the clothes is still to be determined...
They soaked in hot-as-it-gets water with 2 full capfulls of Concentrated Era Ultra Stainfighting Formula detergent, half a cup of Oxyclean, and 3 Shout Color Catcher sheets....

Introduction

2010-01-10T12:00:00.001-05:00

Since my blog is wholly based on the fact that I am a mother, I thought it only fair to introduce myself and my family first.

Here are my beautiful daughters.

M (left) is seven years old and in second grade. She is a micro version of her father in looks and attitude. She is good at math, loves the outdoors, and wakes up annoyingly perky.

J (right) is eleven years old and in sixth grade. She favors her mother in appearance and passion for reading. She is very creative, good at art and hands on activities.

Here is my husband G and I at a recent family wedding. We have been together for almost eleven years, and married for seven.

My husband just graduated with a BA in Accounting and is currently researching grad schools. He works full time for the National Park Service.

I have a Bachelors in English Literature with a minor in Secondary Education. I am about to start my third semester of grad school.

To Vaccinate, or Not to Vaccinate. That is the Question.

2008-12-01T21:05:00.005-05:00

Every fall, parents everywhere take their kids to the doctors to get the latest round of immunizations before school starts. Many parents consent to these shots, assuming they are in the best interest of their children because the schools, doctors, and the Center for Disease Control say so. However, some parents, after doing some research, determine they do not feel that these immunizations are in the best interest of their children. It is a small number of parents who know that they do have some control over which, if any, of these shots are given to their kids.
In most states, including New York, parents can file for an exemption for immunizations based on either medical reasons or religious beliefs. The CFIC (Coalition for Informed Choice) points out that it is easier to obtain a “personal beliefs exemption” than a medical one. Using this exemption, a parent can not choose to give certain vaccinations but not others. The rules for this exemption are rather loose, as a parent does not need to admit to any particular church or faith, one must simply declare that immunizations are against your family’s personal religious beliefs. If a parent has already given their child some shots and now choose to forego additional shots, they may tell school officials that the previous decision was based on misinformation and hence misinformed consent and you are now basing your decision on informed consent.
A medical exemption must be endorsed by a physician. They are fairly hard to come by, unless the child has a proven allergy to eggs or other proteins, and even then a child is often only exempted from particular immunizations, not all of them. The physician must re-endorse the exemption for every school year and if a child grows out of the medical condition that justified the exemption, the vaccination will be required.
It is not my intention to convince parents one way or the other in regards to vaccinations, but to encourage parents to research what they are having their children injected with and make a choice they are comfortable with. As usual, discuss your concerns with a physician you trust, but do your own research from multiple sources- Obviously an autism website will be anti-vaccine, whereas a government site will be for them. Here are a few links from both perspectives:

A case against vaccinations

The National Network for Immunization Information

CDC (Note- these charts show RECOMMENDED immunizations, not all listed are required

Exemption information

Where Are Your Local Sex Offenders?

2008-11-24T19:22:00.005-05:00

When I was a child, I would leave the house when I got up in the morning, and not be heard from again until dark. Riding my bike, visiting friends, walking around the block- the only rule was that I needed to call home and let them know if I changed locations. Now as a parent, I couldn’t imagine letting my kids roam the town and go wherever they wanted. Times have changed. My 10 year old isn’t even allowed to walk around the block on her own, and my six year old can’t play on the front sidewalk without first letting me know where she is. I feel like I can’t let them out of my sight because a sex offender lives two streets over.

I check the state sex offender registry once a month. I feel it is important for me to know where these offenders live, and keep my kids from going down those streets. I know that six sex offenders live in my village, five level 2, and one level 3 (Level 3 being the most likely to repeat their crime). I know where these people live, what they look like, where they work, and what kind of vehicles they drive.

I realize that there were sex offenders around when I was a kid. I have no idea who they were or where they lived, and I’m sure my parents didn’t know either. My freedom was not dictated by a level 3 who lived four blocks away, like it is for my kids. Aside from the occasional fight, or fall from a tree or bike, my friends and I were safe and were never confronted by the “bad people” that I so frequently find myself warning my kids about. I knew not to talk to strangers, but it was ok to ask the guy from down the street permission before we played with his dog.

Awareness of sex offenders in society has greatly increased in my lifetime. I can find out every detail about an offender, ranging from details of the original crime, to the license plate number by checking the national registry.

I was thrilled when Megan’s Law ensured I’d be better able to protect my children. I am even more thrilled now at the recent e-Stop legislation (The Electronic Security and Targeting of Online Predators Act, took effect on April 28, 2008). This law states it “enables New York to combat misuse of the internet by convicted sex offenders by requiring sex offenders to register their internet identifiers with law enforcement, permitting social networking websites to access the internet identifiers of convicted sexual predators in order to prescreen or remove them from services used by children and notify law enforcement of potential violations of law, and prohibiting certain high risk sex offenders from using the internet to victimize children.” (Assembly s6875a)

I still have to keep NetNanny on to keep the porn and violence away from my kids, but this law, along with properly teaching my kids how to use the internet safely, gives me more peace of mind. At least there is one area of their lives I can let them roam without fear of the "bad guys."

To check for level 2 or 3 offenders near you, go here and enter your zip code.

Homebirth Gives Mothers Freedom to Create Their Own Birth Experience

2008-11-19T08:54:00.010-05:00

Picture two different mothers in labor. One is confined to a hospital bed, forced to be checked internally on a regular basis, hooked up to IV’s and monitors, an oxygen mask on her face, and kept from family and friends. The second mother is sitting at her kitchen table, playing cards with her family, pausing to breathe through contractions, and eating a ham sandwich. Which woman would you rather be?

More mothers are making the choice to birth their children in the comfort of their own home.

Lauren Cooper, (Syracuse chapter of ICAN International Cesarean Awareness Network), gave birth to her third child, Brayden, at home. This birth was a miracle for the family, after Lauren was forced to have c-sections with her first two children, and was deceived by the hospital staff leading up to the second surgery. Lauren was told that her body was not capable of delivering a baby vaginally. Brayden was born with his hands by his face, to a mom who had something to prove. Lauren attributes her ability to safely birth her son to the homebirth environment. Think about it- In the hospital, they don’t ever give you a chance to relax and let your body do its thing. They poke and prod and force you to lay in certain positions even if you are not comfortable. They increase the risk of infections with numerous internal exams. They expect you to have the energy to push a baby out after 20 hours of labor when all you’ve ingested the whole time is a few tablespoons of water in the form of ice chips.

Later, Lauren told the story of Brayden’s birth. She reflected that being in a comfortable environment and having the freedom to move around wherever she wanted, and even spending time in the shower, helped her to relax and allow the contractions to move her son through the birth canal. It's amazing the difference when a mother is made to feel like she has control over her birth experience- eating what she wants, setting lights and music to her liking. Lauren did not have any of these luxuries, or any sense of control, in her previous hospital labors.

Homebirth gives mothers the ability to ensure that their labor, and the birth of their child, happens in the most natural way possible. Homebirth does not negate the need for good prenatal care. It also does not mean that parents should deliver their own babies. Unassisted deliveries, called freebirthing, are different from most homebirth in that there is no doctor or midwife present to assist in the delivery. This process can be much riskier and requires a much higher level of training and education for the parents.

For mothers who chose to have a homebirth, there are a few of Lauren's tips to help make the process the most enjoyable, satisfying, and safe experience possible:
• Become educated as much as possible about the natural process. The more you know, the more comfortable you'll be with what's to come, and the more confident you'll be in your body's abilities.
• Surround yourself with nothing but positive support. Wave away the nay-sayers, and dismiss anyone that makes you feel uncomfortable. Birth is a private process, and too many people involved, and unfamiliar settings with excess noise and bright lights can impair our abilities and disrupt the natural process.
• Choose the setting that is most likely to ensure that your wishes will be respected and that you and your baby will be given the safe, evidence based care you deserve. 'You can go to McDonalds and order steak, but it's just not on the menu!' meaning: if you choose a doctor and a hospital with high intervention rates, you can go in there and ask for support for a natural birth until you're blue in the face, but it's just not on going to happen.
• Learn your care provider's intervention statistics, and shop around. Interview a number of care providers and keep your options open until you find the support team and care providers that truly fit you.
• Hire a doula. A doula can be wonderful support, encouragement, and reassurance during labor for both mom and dad.
• Have a variety of coping techniques in mind. Different things may or may not work for you during labor, and you won't know what will work for you until the time comes. Be armed and prepared with lots of different ideas and techniques for coping. Some ways to work through contractions are (but not limited to): Tub/Shower, Breathing, Focusing, Massage, Accupressure, Music, Birth Ball, Birth Stool, Walking, Squatting, Swaying "Slow Dancing", Sitting on the toilet, Affirmations, Prayer, Hypnobirthing, Moaning or vocalizing, and/or Visualizations.
• Don't make pain relief an option. Don't say, "I'm going to try, but we'll see if it gets too bad." Simply say "I will have a natural birth, this is what I was made to do." Believe it, because you can do it, and you will!
• Journal. Write down your fears. Research those fears: how often do they truly occur, how to avoid them/minimize the risk, how to handle the situation if that problem occurs. . . While sometimes things that happen in labor have no cause or cannot be prevented, being prepared for the possibility and knowing what to expect, how to handle it, and how to minimize the chances of it will help you maintain a sense of some control should it happen, which can be comforting leading up to birth as well.

Remember, woman’s bodies are designed to give birth. Women have been doing this for all of existence. We don't need anyone to teach us how to do this, we need to simply follow our instincts. Modern medicine can save lives, but these interventions are extremely overused. It is best to have a supportive care provider who will intervene only if absolutely necessary, and someone who will discuss with you what your choices are and what the risks and benefits are to each risk, and who will respect your decisions. We all deserve a beautiful birth, and our babies deserve to be born in a safe, positive environment without being drugged or put in danger's way unnecessarily.
(Thank you Lauren!!!!!!!!)

Expectant mothers who are interested in homebirth should begin educating themselves about the process. Don’t be discouraged if friends and family, or even your obstetrician, are not supportive right away. Contact a local midwife and ask questions. In NY, the local HONEY (Homebirthers of New York) chapter is a great place to get information about local midwives and homebirth.

Slideshow with permission from of ICAN of Syracuse, and Lauren Cooper (That's Lauren and Brayden below :D )

Birth On Demand: Elective cesareans are a growing trend

2008-11-19T08:52:00.006-05:00

Waking at 3 am with painful contractions, endless hours of labor, decisions about pain control- these aspects of childbirth are now avoidable through a cooperating Obstetrician near you.

Victoria Beckham did it. So did Britney Spears, Elizabeth Hurley, Claudia Schiffer, Madonna, and many other celebrity mothers. These women gave birth via elective cesareans, enhancing a trend recently dubbed “too posh to push,” and the popularity is spreading among the not so rich and famous.

Cesarean rates have skyrocketed in recent years. The rapidly increasing statistics can partially be attributed to doctors who now deliver babies via c-section without any medical necessity. The World Health Organization (WHO) states that cesarean rates above 10-15% negatively impact maternal and fetal outcomes. The last cesarean section rates from the Center for Disease Control (CDC) from 2006 show the cesarean rate for the US was 31.3% (new numbers due at the end of November). The statistics are not clear on how many of the procedures are performed at the request of the mother, but it is estimated that 14% of the c-section births in the US are not medically necessary.

Facts and opinions both for and against this procedure have created a complicated situation and a question of ethics for some doctors.

One cause of the increasing rates is the controversy over VBACs, or vaginal birth after cesarean, deliveries. There are risks associated with VBAC deliveries, however, research has shown that the risks are minimal in most cases and do not justify mandatory c-sections for future deliveries. In fact, WHO has determined that multiple c-sections increase the risk of complications for mother and baby well beyond the likelihood of a uterine rupture in a VBAC.

Another concern is that it is not always clear who it is that is doing the “electing.” The trend is also on the rise of doctors encouraging moms to have cesarean deliveries. ChildbirthConenction.org’s national “Listening to Mother’s Survey” (March 2006) concluded that "Despite some professional and mass media discourse about 'maternal request' or 'patient demand' Caesarean … just one woman (0.08 percent) among 1,315 survey participants who might have initiated a planned primary cesarean … did so." In other words, it is more often the case that elective c-sections are more often than not done at the request and convenience of the doctor.

In March 2006, the National Institutes of Health held a conference entitled "Caesarean Delivery on Maternal Request" to address the rapidly increasing C-section rates. Studies discussed were not able to conclusively relate the rising rates on mothers, nor were they able to come to any recommendations either against or in support of elective cesarean deliveries.
So what is the problem with this birth on demand? Experts say that not only do c-section moms have a longer hospital stay, and a much longer recovery time, but up to a third of mothers who deliver by c-section have abdominal pain for about two months and 1 in 5 continue to have pain issues for six months. Also, mothers who have had c-sections are at increased risk for placenta previa in the future, making vaginal delivery impossible, or uterine rupture during vaginal delivery which can be deadly to both mother and child. Not to mention the risks associated with any major surgery including problems with anesthesia, blood clots, scar tissue and infections.

In contrast, planned c-sections are convenient and allow the mother control over childbirth. The risks of incontinence and hemorrhage that go along with vaginal birth are eliminated. Some experts claim that there is also a reduced risk of stillbirth, tears or trauma to the mother, or fetal injury during birth.

There is also debate over the timing of a planned cesarean. The Hollywood trend involves delivering the baby up to a month early, to avoid the time of the most abdominal stretching, reducing the chance of stretch marks, and making it easier for the mother to get back in shape after the pregnancy. The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology says that births should not be forced prior to 39 weeks unless there is a valid medical reason, and to do so takes away critical time the baby needs to develop and prepare for birth.

Mikayla Dressing had an elective c-section with the birth of her third child. When asked what led her to this decision, she stated “I asked my doctor if he would take the baby through a planned c-section because I was scared of what would happen if I went into labor naturally.” Mikayla lives over an hour from the hospital, and has two other children whom she often cares for alone while her husband works. She tried to convince her doctor to do the procedure by expressing her fear that she would go into labor while home alone with her kids, and not have the support or time to make it to the hospital. Her doctor refused, since the operation was not medically necessary, so she sought out a different doctor who was willing to do the procedure. Mikayla claims, “It was so easy! Get a sitter, go to the hospital, and have the baby. No more fear of the unknown.”

Jennifer Sutliffe had her second child in September. She had an emergency c-section to deliver her daughter as a result of fetal distress. Jennifer wanted to have a VBAC delivery with her second child, but when she told her doctor her wish, he immediately listed off to her all of the risks that come with having a VBAC. He also told her that her hospital does not allow VBAC deliveries due to the potential complications and the liability involved. Jennifer was intimidated by the risks because she was not told that although the complications are possible, their occurrence is vary rare. Jennifer now feels she requested to have this child delivered by scheduled c-section because she was not fully informed.

In short, there is not yet any solid evidence to support or discourage the use of c-sections without medical necessity. The National Institute of Health states that it is important that mothers be informed of the risks associated with both methods of childbirth, and be warned of the increased risks of multiple cesarean deliveries to mother and child. It is still the case that individual hospital policies, and doctors, vary greatly in their position on the matter.